Balance

"€œIt’€™s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me." - Batman Begins

The words spoken by Batman identifying his true self to his love nearly made me cried. It really single out what I have been trying to do these years: To be known for what has been done, leaving the legacy which will continue in years to come.

Perhaps this instinct was instilled into me while I was still in secondary school. The principles of Faith, Zeal and Community has made me who I am. I remember all the projects, events and activities that I have done in my schooling years. Though I worked behind the scenes most of the time in those activities where you would never be credited, the principal has a way of thanking the students. IN our daily assemblies, he would identify activities, competitions, events which involve the students. He would graciously thank them and invite them onto the stage in front of the entire school to be recognized by the rest of the students to emulate. For me, it has always been a morale booster to make me strive for the best.

Moving on to University life, I became sort of an unofficial student leader. It was not what i intended to be, but having friends who respect you for what you did for all of them is somewhat a pleasure. Your friends thank you for telling them announcements, helping them to buy art materials, giving exam tips, etc. I have always believed in sharing knowledge. Knowledge are meant to be shared. What is the point of being the smartest ass in the world but you do not write a paper on a research breakthrough you discovered for the world to learn? Being who I am is so hard at times … Especially towards a special person. When you do something for her, she assumes that it is one of you good deeds. A simple thank you and moved on with life. Sometimes I wished that I had not been so nice to other people so that I can only be nice to the someone special. This unnecessary responsibility that I had unofficially took, required so much of a sacrifice… A missionary without love.
A sacrificed which cannot be undone. The damage in time has taken place. There is no way to rewind time to where I could have changed. And just like Bruce Wayne who cannot be together with Rachel Dawes because he has to be Batman, I too has missed the bus and hafta wait for the next bus which will arrive in a time only God knows when.

Let’s me write abit on work. Interest has led me to apply and take this job as a video editor in a great company of multiple talents. It is not an easy journey to walk the path of a good editor as I have been told by my Head of Department. Lots of hardwork and dedication need to be put into the tasks involved. At first I thought that it would just be easy for me to adapt to. However after a month’s at work, I have yet to do an edit on my own, but I am walking the path to be one. The first thing that am learning is how to be an editor’s assistant. Managing machines for different medias and also different programs are among the task to be familiarize.

In my free time, I took up a book entitled ‘First Cut:Conversations with Film Editors’ by Gabriella Oldham from the company’s media library. As stated in the title, the book consists of interviews with 23 famous persons who have shaped and redefined editing for films. From the interviews, I’ve found out that NONE of these people actually has a meteoric shot of fame without dedicating themselves to working selflessly for years as assistant editors, film cutters or even cutting room boy. For those who do not know what these people do, here’s a short explaination.
Assitant editors - does not do any editing at all, cleans up editor’s mess, sits next to editor when he edits.
Film Cutters/Joiners - in charge of physically cutting strips of films (a movie’s film strip can go up to thousands of feet long) or joining them together at the command of the editor.
Cutting room boy - someone who upkeeps the tidiness of the cutting room (place where the cutting of film is done).

Well, basically it comes down to the phrase "it takes a lot of effort and patience to be noticed". Although I have experience editing numerous videos in my university years, but those are merely exercises for doing something greater . I’ve seen most of the commercials produced in the company and I have to admit, my works were WAY incomparable to them. When either of the 3 senior editors work on a commercial, I try my best to figure out their style and approach to the commercial. Being a junior editor is a great experience for me because i get to understand why they do such an edit. Besides that, the book also a good teacher in a sense that it states some of the techniques of editing. I will be posting what I’ve learned from the book over the next blog entries.

Before I agreed to this job, i had a lot of thoughts running in my head.
Is there an alternative job?
Is my salary enough to cover my hunger?
Can I do it?
Will I be able to have time with friends?
Will I be able to have time for the one i like?

But now, I have work out the answers to all of them.
There are alternative jobs. Finding jobs is not difficult. It’s just whether you get what you want to do or not. As for me, I have strong feelings in editing. I could have been looking for some coordination jobs but frankly, I would prefer not working as someone superior so early in the working life. It should be a climb to the top. There had never been realistic chances of someone, with no contacts or having relative in ‘higher ranks’ to be up on the ladder of success.

It is either spending less or saving more. But I’m trying my best to do both. Lol. It should be enough for my hunger for more MOVIES!

Truthfully speaking, it is easy to drift away from your friends when you work in uncertain time slots. However, I still make my weekends as free as possible. My free slots will be from Saturday evening till Sunday Nite. If any of you guys wanna get hold of me, that time slot would be the best. Anyway, my collegues are quite friendly towards each other and have much activites together such as futsals, badminton sessions and movie-going on weekday nites once a while, so life is not that dull actually.

Lastly is the question of love. This question is the hardest question and hurts the most. Over the years, people whom I adore has come and gone away. The person whom I thought I adore does not see through me. There were times when I wished that everything would be different. There were times when I wished that I had say something earlier. There were times when I wished that I had made use of the time we spent together. No matter what, the path I have chosen is clear. I sacrificed chances after chances, but i would never sacrifice friendship. All who had touched my heart will forever be in my heart. There is a saying that if you love someone, you need to set her free. If she is meant to be yours, she will return to you. Well, although I always have a silent hope for it to happen, it will never do. All I can do is to let you fly out into the sky acheiving your dream, but when you are tired of flying, I will always be a driftwood for you to land on. As foolish as how it sounded like, I have no regrets.

It’s time to backlog my blog again. It’s more of a routine updates of what has been going on after these few days. Drastic change for me in the new working environment. Going through these phases of life is also like a transition of life in communication.
It started of with having mixed tougued languages at home. Mandarin with my elder brother and mother, Cantonese with my grandma and younger brother and English with my dad. Such strange settings made me (in my opinion) able to mix around with people with different background. But not to that extend of being so close. Just able to communicate with them. Well, in a way it’s also a bad thing, I find myself not a master of any of the languages. Lol.

Schooling life in Ipoh with Cantonese-speaking, English-educated and Malay friends.

In university, I mixed a lot more with mandarin speaking friends. Well, they came from all over the country and mandarin seems to be the main unity among us. And not suprisingly,  I find my English got weaker and more ‘rojak’… Thank god the MUET test was in the first year. Had it been in the final year, I don’t think my Band 5 deserve any mention.

And now … moving on to working life in KL. Being KL, most Chinese speak Cantonese. If you can’t, you will most probably be treated as a stranger and got taken advantage of when buying even the most common items in shops. ANd now, I’m back to speaking Cantonese and English with non-Chinese and foreign (and also Malay/Indian) clients/collegues.

In a multiracial city, looks like you have to go with the flow …

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.

The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Ah Peh to represent them.

Ah Peh asked for one condition to be added to the debate. "To make it more interesting", he said, "neither side would be allowed to talk".

The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Ah Peh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Ah Peh looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Ah Peh pointed to the ground at where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah Peh pull out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around The Pope asking him what had happened? The Pope said, "first I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions."

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us."

He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us."

"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind
us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything.

What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Peh. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Ah Peh, "First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here.

I replied to him f*@k off and not one of us was leaving." "Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese.

I showed him that we are staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd. "I don’t know", said Ah Peh,
"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!"

When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you. You thanked her by crying all night long.

When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk. You thanked her by running away when she called.

When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons. You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of mud.

When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her by screaming, "I’M NOT GOING!"

When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor’s window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone. You thanked her by saying, "It’s none of your business."

When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future. You thanked her by saying, "I don’t want to be like you."

When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation. You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment. You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.

When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future. You thanked her by glaring and growling, "Muuhh-ther, please!"

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby. You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."

When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative’s birthday. You thanked her by saying you were "really busy right now."

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.

If you love your mom. Don’t take advantage of her.